Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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