so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
