I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize