The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
