bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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