Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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