I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
