I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm like, not good at living.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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