he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
