the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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