is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
