It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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