hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
