doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
