I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
