My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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