everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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