I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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