your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
