You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These tits shall not be calmed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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