i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
