I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
