I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize