I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
