She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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