i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
