this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
