Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
