he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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