You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's get the cat blown out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
