Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
