thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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