So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
