I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize