Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
