so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
