i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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