That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
