i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
