dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
