im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
