She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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