i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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