i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
