I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
