Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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