I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I intend to get homeless drunk
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
