well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
