If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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