Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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