One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
