Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize