I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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