dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
bring money and cleavage
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
