Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize