Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
