I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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