Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
