Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
