You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
