Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
