I hate your face
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
