You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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