I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
