i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize