You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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