i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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