Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
there is glitter all over my balls
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