mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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