Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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