Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
