I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
