I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
