"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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