I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
