don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
