girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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