I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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