have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
