I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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