....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't notice because vodka
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
