omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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