I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
