I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
