2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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