whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
