i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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