Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
babies were throwing up all over the place
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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