she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
