Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
