my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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