You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
