Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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