he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sarcasm needs its own font
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
