I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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