i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
