o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
