I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
