He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize