And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk is not a location!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
