I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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