i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize