dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
