just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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